Trigun: Unwritten Letters 31

I do not own Vash the Stampede, Rem Saverem, Nicholas D. Wolfwood, Milly Thompson, Meryl Stryfe, etc: they all belong to the incomparable Mr. Yasuhiro Nightow.

It occurs to me that Vash -might- compose letters in his mind as the way that he re-examines his day, unwinds, and learns any lessons he can from it.

This is an attempt to blend the tales in both manga and anime. Anywhere there is contradicting information, the manga's will be used. I use manga dates where they are given. Where dates are not given, I'm using my best guesstimate.

As the various "Unwritten Letters" accumulate, there will be more and more spoilers.





Desert



Year 113, month 6, day 30

Dear Rem,

I have figured out the lesson for these last few weeks. From now on, I should always be more completely prepared to leave from anywhere at a moment's notice. I should always have enough water and money in my bag. Always: whether I plan to leave immediately, or not.

I had been planning to leave. I had slowly, quietly been gathering supplies. However, admittedly, I did not want to leave Seeds. I was dragging my heels, which I should not have done.

Thus, when I sensed Knives' hostility and left immediately, I was short on cash. Wolfwood didn't have enough money with him to make up for my lack. So it was short rations, and less water than we needed, because towns often charge people who want to refill their canteens.

Because of these things, about three weeks' journey from Seeds, Wolfwood and I had run out of food and water. My legs were feeling increasingly unreliable, and I had to lean on a pipe I'd found for support. Each step was painful, and I was sweating profusely even with my gear that protects against extremes of heat and cold.

I stumbled and fell. I could feel that I was near to passing out. Naturally, that annoyed Wolfwood. He insulted me, and mocked me for not being tough enough. He seemed to think that a few million iles of walking shouldn't be any big deal. Since he exaggerated the distance, I think his habit toward sarcasm was influencing his words again.

As I lay there, with my ear on the ground and my sight growing dim, a sound jarred me back to being fully awake.

"I hear something," I told Wolfwood, "the sound of an engine, like maybe a car..."

I dragged myself back up onto my feet about the time that we could see the distant vehicle approaching.

"You were right!" Wolfwood exclaimed. "It's our lucky day! Call out to them!"

It was a car all right. And we did call out to them.

Unfortunately, it seems as if my efforts to annoy Meryl were more effective than I'd thought. She and Milly were the ones in the car. Milly was driving, and Meryl was drinking from a canteen.

They didn't stop.

We both chased after them, as long as we could. I called out that I was sorry, and we pleaded for them to help us. But they only kept going.

Wolfwood wasn't in much better condition than I was. After awhile, the surge of adrenalin faded and we both collapsed.

The girls must have returned for us... probably Milly's doing, since Meryl tends to hold a grudge longer than that. Wolfwood and I awoke in a hospital... again.

I could hear a doctor speaking to the girls. "That was a close one," he said. "I was just barely able to treat them. These guys owe you a debt of gratitude, since you brought them here just in time."

"I wish that we had gotten them here sooner," Milly said softly.

I heard Meryl's clothes rustling. I don't know what she was doing, but she didn't express agreement with Milly aloud.

We stayed in the hospital barely as long as needed. I suppose, to be fair, we probably should have stayed a little longer. However, I needed to get to Knives as quickly as possible... and I still wanted to get away from those girls. It should be safer for both of them, that way.

Wolfwood was also eager to get moving again. So, as soon as we could walk, we put on our clothes, refilled our canteens, and started for the exit.

A nurse saw us. "Are you guys trying to check yourselves out?" she asked.

"Ah, not exactly," I said.

She ran and called a doctor.

"This is ridiculous," the doctor said. "You guys are in no condition to leave. Your bodies need more rest."

I didn't want to make a scene. I didn't know when the girls might return. I wanted to be gone before they reappeared.

"Sorry," I said to the doctor, as I pulled a few double-dollars out of my pocket. "Please take our leftover money for next time."

"Hmm," he said thoughtfully, "well, it does look like you're steady enough on your feet to get out of bed and walk away."

The doctor chose to let us go, ignoring the nurse's continuing protests.

It was already dark out when we emerged from the hospital. Most of the people seemed to have gone into their houses for the night. We were able to walk out of town, unnoticed and unchallenged.

"So, what are you going to do?" Wolfwood said.

I looked askance at him.

"You know, the girls," he said impatiently.

'"The girls," huh Wolfwood?' I thought. 'Don't you really mean Milly?' but I didn't say that.

I frowned. "It's troublesome," was all that I said.

"What's with that reaction?" Wolfwood said. "Are you thinking seriously about this?"

"Yes," I said. "I am."

"But can you stand by and watch them be killed?" he said, nearly shouting.

I looked at him, wondering how he could fail to understand that leaving them behind is my best effort to protect them from things like that. I said nothing, though, instead waiting to learn more of what he was thinking.

"They do accompany us on our travels, like traveling companions," he said, "but, on the other hand, I want to get back at them for abandoning us in the desert earlier."

'Our travels, Wolfwood?' I thought. This is a journey that I am compelled to make. He should be able to leave, and spare himself. I hope that he will, before anything worse happens to him. I will continue watching for an opportunity to get away from him, and thereby to protect him, too.

Yet, perhaps, calling it "our travels" meant that Wolfwood thinks of the two of us as friends - in spite of our many disagreements. It would be wonderful to have a friend!

Thinking it over, briefly, I suspect that Milly probably would follow him, if not for her loyalty to her job (and, perhaps, to Meryl). The smaller insurance girl, though, was highly unlikely to follow Wolfwood if he parted from me.

I put those thoughts aside, to ponder more fully later.

"You're always saying things like that," I said softly, "always asking negative questions and offering negative opinions. However, it seems like you're really asking yourself... this time."

"What did you just say?" he said, sounding shocked and annoyed.

"It's okay," I said, hoping to calm him at least enough that he wouldn't start yelling or hitting me. We needed to keep moving. "Eventually, we'll catch up with the girls again."

"Besides," I added, feeling my shoulders droop and my steps slow down as I said it, "I think that those girls have some understanding of what's going on. But they still followed me. That's the tough part."

Wolfwood and I continued talking as we walked past the edge of town and into the desert night.

I can only imagine that the girls will be unhappy about the two of us vanishing and leaving them behind, again.

Yet I remain convinced that it's the best way to protect them. They mustn't be associated with me. If certain elements aligned with Knives figure out that I care about them, they would immediately become targets.

I don't want that to happen. I don't want either of them to get hurt or killed.

I'm trying to protect them, Rem. I'm trying to put aside my selfish wish to be less lonely, and walk away from them before anything bad happens to one or both of them.

I hope that, one day, they will come to understand why I walked away without even saying "goodbye." I know it's rude, and I wouldn't do it if I weren't completely convinced that it was best for them. I hope they will forgive me, before they forget me.

I think that, if it were you instead of them, you would understand. I wish it wasn't too late to protect you, dear Rem.

Getting away from the girls, to protect them, is simply the right thing to do. Also, I have grown fond of them so I don't want them to be hurt. Additionally, for your sake, because you sacrificed yourself to save the lives of their ancestors, I will honor your sacrifice by protecting them as you protected their ancestors... though, today, my sacrifice is far less than yours was.

I'm only sacrificing my selfish wish for their companionship, and my selfish curiosity to watch them grow toward their full potential.

I miss you, Rem. I can't help thinking that everyone's lives would be better if you still walked among us.

- Vash "the Stampede"