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Purple Hair
Several years ago, I was in a line at a second-hand store.
Along with several others, I was waiting to for my turn to pay for my chosen items. The clerk at the cash register where my line led was a young girl wearing a maroon shirt. Her hair was dyed a bright purple that clashed rather badly with the color of her shirt.
She didn't look very happy.
I found myself feeling curious. If she liked maroon, why had she chosen to dye her hair purple instead of something like blue, or green, or pink, which would not clash? I pondered this as I waited my turn and moved forward in the line.
I knew that most people appreciate it when someone takes an interest in them. I figured it might be reasonable to ask politely about her hair color choice. It might even cheer her up, to have someone show an interest in her as a person. I had done that before, cheering someone up by showing interest in them. It seemed worth a try then, also.
Eventually, the people in front of me finished their turns to make their purchases, and left. My turn came. I placed my intended purchases on the counter.
I asked conversationally, "So... why purple?"
She tensed up, clenched her hands into fists at her sides, and began nearly shouting. I don't remember her exact words. However, she included mention that she was 17, and old enough to make her own decisions about her hair color, and that she'd bought the dye from her own money, etc.
"Whoa!" I said, mildly startled by her outburst.
She stopped speaking, though she was still tense and seething.
I said apologetically, "That wasn't what I'd meant, not at all! What I meant was, 'Why purple, instead of blue or green or pink or ...' "
I listed off a handful of colors that no human being would ever be born with. I remember thinking quickly, wishing to say colors that were not natural hair colors. I no longer recall what other colors I mentioned, but there were at least two more. I was trying to be clear that I was neither criticizing nor judging her. I shrugged as I stopped speaking, and felt a curious expression showing on my face.
She continued standing stiffly, and she blinked a few times as she processed my words (and, probably, also my tone of voice and body language). Then her shoulders gradually relaxed, and she smiled.
"Oh!" she said through her newborn smile, sounding pleasantly surprised.
She took a deep breath and began talking, cheerfully, about how she'd tried most of the other colors I'd mentioned. But not blue, not yet. Maybe she'd try that next. She didn't like having her hair purple, because it didn't go well with some of her favorite clothes.
We continued speaking, briefly, as she rang up my purchases. She smiled again as I walked away from her, and wished her a good day.
The reactions of the other people standing nearby were ... interesting. Most of them looked guilty, or else looked away. Some shifted their positions, and dug one toe at the floor, etc.
By the time I was done paying for my purchases, the person behind me was smiling at the youthful cashier, also. This caught my attention, since that person had definitely not been smiling previously.
I had begun mostly by being curious, and a little concerned. However, when I saw her relax and smile after being so tense and upset, it sure felt good!
Her mood change spread to the others nearby, both staff and customers. (It had been very quiet, except for the necessary quotations of the balances due, prior to that conversation). The atmosphere went from stiffly formal to friendly, in just a few minutes.
I walked away, feeling good that she felt better. I liked seeing the smiles, instead of the awkward tension which had previously prevailed.
At the same time, I felt slightly sick. Someone (or perhaps more than one person) had criticized her severely. Nobody over-reacts as she did to my original question, unless she had been criticized to a point that might qualify as abuse.
She was a 17-year-old kid. Yes, she had dyed her hair an unnatural color. So what?
We each get into self-propelled metal boxes, to travel from point A to point B. What's natural about that?
Those few minutes probably didn't heal her emotional scars from prior criticism. At least she had a few minutes to enjoy not being criticized.
What a pity it's not always that easy to spread love and peace! *wistful sigh*
Several years ago, I was in a line at a second-hand store.
Along with several others, I was waiting to for my turn to pay for my chosen items. The clerk at the cash register where my line led was a young girl wearing a maroon shirt. Her hair was dyed a bright purple that clashed rather badly with the color of her shirt.
She didn't look very happy.
I found myself feeling curious. If she liked maroon, why had she chosen to dye her hair purple instead of something like blue, or green, or pink, which would not clash? I pondered this as I waited my turn and moved forward in the line.
I knew that most people appreciate it when someone takes an interest in them. I figured it might be reasonable to ask politely about her hair color choice. It might even cheer her up, to have someone show an interest in her as a person. I had done that before, cheering someone up by showing interest in them. It seemed worth a try then, also.
Eventually, the people in front of me finished their turns to make their purchases, and left. My turn came. I placed my intended purchases on the counter.
I asked conversationally, "So... why purple?"
She tensed up, clenched her hands into fists at her sides, and began nearly shouting. I don't remember her exact words. However, she included mention that she was 17, and old enough to make her own decisions about her hair color, and that she'd bought the dye from her own money, etc.
"Whoa!" I said, mildly startled by her outburst.
She stopped speaking, though she was still tense and seething.
I said apologetically, "That wasn't what I'd meant, not at all! What I meant was, 'Why purple, instead of blue or green or pink or ...' "
I listed off a handful of colors that no human being would ever be born with. I remember thinking quickly, wishing to say colors that were not natural hair colors. I no longer recall what other colors I mentioned, but there were at least two more. I was trying to be clear that I was neither criticizing nor judging her. I shrugged as I stopped speaking, and felt a curious expression showing on my face.
She continued standing stiffly, and she blinked a few times as she processed my words (and, probably, also my tone of voice and body language). Then her shoulders gradually relaxed, and she smiled.
"Oh!" she said through her newborn smile, sounding pleasantly surprised.
She took a deep breath and began talking, cheerfully, about how she'd tried most of the other colors I'd mentioned. But not blue, not yet. Maybe she'd try that next. She didn't like having her hair purple, because it didn't go well with some of her favorite clothes.
We continued speaking, briefly, as she rang up my purchases. She smiled again as I walked away from her, and wished her a good day.
The reactions of the other people standing nearby were ... interesting. Most of them looked guilty, or else looked away. Some shifted their positions, and dug one toe at the floor, etc.
By the time I was done paying for my purchases, the person behind me was smiling at the youthful cashier, also. This caught my attention, since that person had definitely not been smiling previously.
I had begun mostly by being curious, and a little concerned. However, when I saw her relax and smile after being so tense and upset, it sure felt good!
Her mood change spread to the others nearby, both staff and customers. (It had been very quiet, except for the necessary quotations of the balances due, prior to that conversation). The atmosphere went from stiffly formal to friendly, in just a few minutes.
I walked away, feeling good that she felt better. I liked seeing the smiles, instead of the awkward tension which had previously prevailed.
At the same time, I felt slightly sick. Someone (or perhaps more than one person) had criticized her severely. Nobody over-reacts as she did to my original question, unless she had been criticized to a point that might qualify as abuse.
She was a 17-year-old kid. Yes, she had dyed her hair an unnatural color. So what?
We each get into self-propelled metal boxes, to travel from point A to point B. What's natural about that?
Those few minutes probably didn't heal her emotional scars from prior criticism. At least she had a few minutes to enjoy not being criticized.
What a pity it's not always that easy to spread love and peace! *wistful sigh*
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I have recently been reminded of how harsh and judgemental people can be. It is unfortunate, especially when it comes from a community which should be about promoting kindness. That reminded me of the hour described here.
I don't know who was cruel to the youthful cashier. I only know from her reaction that someone was. I hope, for her sake, that she healed from the effects of their cruelty.
Nobody deserves to be persecuted, especially not for something as minor as dyed hair. I hope she found a color which suited her, whether it was a natural color or an unnatural one.
This girl may not have been suffering from any physical injuries. However, she was in a position that, although I did not know it when I began speaking to her, craved kindness nearly as badly.
...
Someone once described words as being like bricks. They can be used to build walls. They can be thrown at others, to harm them. Or... they can build bridges.
I challenge you to resist the temptations to use words to harm others. Instead, find opportunities to build bridges!
...
I think this may be part of what was meant when the Bible says to "Love your neighbor."
I don't know who was cruel to the youthful cashier. I only know from her reaction that someone was. I hope, for her sake, that she healed from the effects of their cruelty.
Nobody deserves to be persecuted, especially not for something as minor as dyed hair. I hope she found a color which suited her, whether it was a natural color or an unnatural one.
This girl may not have been suffering from any physical injuries. However, she was in a position that, although I did not know it when I began speaking to her, craved kindness nearly as badly.
...
Someone once described words as being like bricks. They can be used to build walls. They can be thrown at others, to harm them. Or... they can build bridges.
I challenge you to resist the temptations to use words to harm others. Instead, find opportunities to build bridges!
...
I think this may be part of what was meant when the Bible says to "Love your neighbor."
© 2016 - 2024 EdenEvergreen
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Thank you for sharing this important story! Have a blessed Thanksgiving week! I am a cashier, so I try to make the people on the other side of the counter feel better. Some of them have purple hair too. ;-D